I decided to get out of the pool as the lack of sun caused the weather to become rather chilly. As I was getting out I did not notice that my uncle had placed his wine glass on the deck, but it was too late. I felt something against my shin, and watched as the the glass shattered to the floor. The next few minutes were a blur. I felt no pain, but I could feel something dripping down my leg rapidly. I saw people run towards me: my mom, dad, and grandmother. There were others but I could not make them out because the world was swimming in and out of focus. Someone wrapped a blanket around my leg, the only astringent they could find, and took me to the car. The pain started to kick in and the dizziness got worse. Soon the blanket was soaked in red.
We got to the hospital and I was wheeled to the emergency room. The doctor got a numbing needle the size of small football, and forced it in my leg. The pain slowly began to subside as my leg became numb, and the world finally came into focus again. After the doctor was done I had 30 stitches in my leg, and was inept at walking. Once we got home, I limped to the couch with help from my dad, and my family tried to commiserate about the accident. It was not effective; my summer was ruined. The sun was no longer shining, the warm breeze gone, and the sky dotted with clouds. Summer paradise was long gone.
~ Evrim O.
I really liked it. It was so descriptive that it actually made me feel kind of sad that the character's summer was ruined.
ReplyDeleteIt was really descriptive. The beginning and end were very good.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story. This story was so descriptive that I could create a visual picture in my head. :):):):):):)
ReplyDelete-Lysander
I feel like the way you ended it made it seem like you had a terrible summer, and the description of the pain was good.
ReplyDeleteI remember you telling this story before but the tone you used in the writing made the story come to life.
ReplyDeleteVery descriptive; almost tragic. The weather was a good way of showing the shift in the mood.
ReplyDeleteAC
The three paragraphs are so different that it is almost like three vignettes, but you managed to blend them very nicely so that it flows smoothly
ReplyDeleteThis is so good! The description of the accident is very realistic. I love how the weather and such changes along with the mood of the story.
ReplyDelete