We ran, and ran, and ran, until we got back to the parking lot.
“What do we do now?” I asked. Ollie came up with the brilliant idea of hiding in the trunk of the car. He said it would be fun, but within 5 minutes I was asleep.
Some time later, I woke up to Ollie poking me excitedly (which was a little worrying).
“Look! Look! Look! It’s a police officer! There is another one! Dan, Look! Look! That’s so cool!”
I was thinking more along the lines of “Oh jeez…”, even if I didn’t say it. I did say, “Those police officers are pretty inept, why haven’t they looked in the car yet.They need to show more tenacity, they should have fo…”
“Shhhh! They’re coming! Get down!” The police officers were checking cars, as if I had jinxed it. We were sitting inside the trunk, Ollie and I waiting for the officers to open it up. We couldn't see, so when the door opened, I almost had a heart attack, even though I was 7.
The officer took one look at us, and said,
“We’ve been looking for you, you pertinacious rascals.”
~ Dan A.
I liked the description and the punctuation in your story.
ReplyDeletevery suspenseful
ReplyDeleteI liked your vocab use.
ReplyDeleteEC
Your sense of passing time in the story is really good. It's not choppy at all.
ReplyDeleteI liked you choice of words to describe the feelings the characters felt in the story.
ReplyDelete