the Penthouse

one day i would like a large Penthouse with a husband a son and a daughter. we would be really happy-- really really happy together. one day i want to have a job at a newspaper or magazine and become a reporter. whenever i think of leaving I always think of that Penthouse so i stay around.

as i get older the Penthouse should seem closer, but everyday the Penthouse seems farther. as you age you realize the Penthouse is farther away because you continually receive more responsibility. you have to worry about grades and money and things you say and do and whenever you stop worrying you fall behind or do something bad and you have to worry even more. everyone knows those kids who don’t have to worry-- everything just seems to work out for them. supposedly those kids actually do worry but are just really good at hiding it; i don’t think so. those kids are so calm-- no one who worries is that calm.

i’m not calm and i’m not so good at hiding it; i’ll say things and do things that make me seem stupid or makes people concerned about me. sometimes I mean the things i say and do but other times i’m not really thinking. i’m not good at thinking-- that is what people tell me. they say i’m dumb. they say i’m worthless. so i say that i’m dumb and worthless. the more others say it the more i believe it. sometimes when i’m forced to listen to parents or teachers or therapists and they say you are smart or you are beautiful or you are worth it i say in my head you are not smart you are not beautiful you are not worth it-- that’s what all the other kids tell me.

~~~

one day i wanted a large Penthouse with a husband a son and a daughter. we were going to be really happy-- really really happy together. one day i wanted to have a job at a newspaper or magazine and become a reporter. whenever i thought of leaving i always thought of that Penthouse so i would stay around.

~ Michelle M.