Good Memories and Bad Memories

I have good memories and bad memories of the farm. Some when we were all together. We would ride to the river in the Kubota and swim for hours. Then there are others. When I called 911 because mom fell off the motorcycle after her dad died. I know her intent was to not scare us but it did. All my good memories escaped me after dad stopped coming. I don’t remember many, because they all turned into sad memories since they couldn’t happen again. I remember mom trying to get over dad. It never happened and she could never forgive herself for what she did. I knew I could not forgive her, so I just moved on cause she is my mom no matter what. At first they wanted to live together for us and dad slept in the basement. Throughout my whole childhood I thought that women slept on the top floor and men slept in the basement, because I did not remember them together. They then gave up on that idea and I felt bad for dad he stayed with his friends when we were home, and when mom went back to the farm he came home. They never talked or even looked at each other. Mom would leave at 12 and dad would come at 1. When we would get home there was a new parent. Bradley knew what was happening and I did too. Maddie was confused and always asked questions. Bradley, dad, and I would shut her down before she finished talking. She was older then me but she didn’t want to believe anything. She just wanted it all to be back to normal. We all knew that wouldn’t happen. I was so excited when dad bought a house. Mom seemed really mad. I didn’t realize how hard switching would be though. It all happened so fast. My mom still couldn’t forgive herself, and we all couldn’t either. I was only 7 when we moved half of our clothes into dad’s new house. I didn’t see mom after that.

I am 14 now, life is so much different. Mom came back after a year of moping around, and realized that life must go on. After that from age 8-10 I moved every night back and forth from moms to dad. Then they finally realized how hard it was on us and changed it to one week. Mom went back and forth to the farm and back, but never really committed to staying here. Dad moved on and got married and now has brought three more people into my life. It exhilarated to have good change finally. I have a new sister, brother, and stepmom. My dad and step mom are exactly alike, they are both extroverts. It was weird at first. It happened so fast. All at once I realized that a husband and wife are supposed to sleep in the same bed. I was so confused and so upset that they took my room and I slept in the basement. I soon got over it and realized how grateful I was for my family. I have never said I was grateful for my family. I always thought that you should only be grateful if you were happy. No one could have prepared me for what happened in my life but my family got me through it all.

~ Darby J.