Grandma's Wrath

She doesn’t always come. Only once or twice each year. When she is here, it is lots of fun. Most of the time. 

My Grandma is nice to everyone. Except my bathroom. When Grandma comes, my bathroom looks like an explosion. Anything I have laying out gets thrown in the closet. Anything I have neatly put up gets thrown in the closet. Anything in my grandma’s path gets thrown in the closet. 

She walks in and lays down her arsenal. My sink is littered with curling irons, makeup, and hair products. On top of the toilet lies a ten pound bag of “necessities.”  Nail clippers, lotion, medicine. It takes so long to clean off the seat, it’d be shorter if you just found a different restroom. The floor is covered in clothes, bath robes, and spilled makeup. 

In order for me to brush my teeth or take a shower, I have to tip-toe through the minefield that has become my bathroom. She brings bottles and bottles of cleaning products. The shower is overflowing with shampoo, conditioner, and body wash. I never understood why she brought all of that stuff, and then wound up using all of MY cleaning products. She uses half a bottle of Old Spice per shower. 

She also never turns on the fan. The bathroom stays humid for hours. If you walk in, you can’t tell if you’re in a rainforest or a hair salon. The humidity is so thick and the scent of hairspray lingers everywhere. 

When Grandma finally does leave, there is a long recovery period. I have to wash out the shower of old body wash, stuck to the floor. I leave the fan on for hours to finally clear out all of the humidity. The makeup, stuck to the sink, has to be rinsed out. It takes weeks to heal from Grandma’s wrath. 

Even though my bathroom isn’t a huge fan of my Grandma, she always looks nice when she comes.

~ Cole S.